From the Jews

@Mexico: See? What'd we tell you about pigs being unclean? 

From Oprah

@Twitter: Hey guys. Thanks, but no thanks. It's been real.

From Robin Givens

@Rihanna: Do me a favor: Tell Chris Brown his momma is a bitch. I need more talk show appearances. Take one for the team, girl!

From Manny Ramirez

@Octomom Ay mami, I would like to has some of you drugs so I can get babies too

From Yao Ming

@Kobe: Tell me how my ass taste.

From Sportscenter viewers

@jerryjones: WTF did you do to your face?

From America

@Face_Transplant_Lady: If you had to pick a model from the Hanna Barbera line, why did you pick Droopy?

From Wal-Mart Superstore

@MauriceClarett: Bag boy position available- $7.85/hr. Call if interested.

From John Madden

@BFavre4: why are you coming back? I thought we were going to go camping this fall?

From Chevy Chase

@JimmyFallon: I wish your show would've been around fifteen years ago so I could've used it as proof that you don't need to be funny to host a late-night talk show.

From Jesse Jackson

@SomaliPirate: if you want the US to really be mad, give the hostages to ME